Peers

I had originally published this article in the Kenpo 2000 newsletter. I came across this copy as I was going through some old files. Although the events prompting the article occurred years ago, I believe the commentary still has merit. As always, I welcome thoughtful comments from our readers.

ON PEERS

At a recent seminar, I was intrigued by the appearance of sheer boredom on the faces of two adolescents in the crowd. Their expressions were in marked contrast to the happy but tired 5 to 7 year olds who had been training for several hours. These two teenaged girls finally brightened up toward the end of the seminar, when they were joined by a companion. This experience and a later conversation with Skip Hancock about it prompted me to write on Peers.

The word PEER as a verb means --- to look intently or curiously, to come into view, to pry or peep. Reading this definition reminded me of where and when I had first learned about Peer Groups. At 15, I had read "Childhood and Society" by Erik H. Erikson. This noted psychotherapist and student of Anna Freud had written a seminal work on the process of human development. When writing about puberty and adolescence Erikson commented, "The growing and developing youths faced with this physiological revolution (puberty) within them, and with tangible adult tasks ahead of them, are primarily concerned with what they appear to be in the eyes of others compared with what they feel they are. So, adolescents live with a feeling of being "peered at".

This sensation relates directly to another meaning of the word --- peer. Peer means one of equal standing with another, an equal, a match, a companion. Erikson's interpretation was, "The danger at this stage (adolescence) is role confusion. To keep themselves together (as personalities) adolescents temporarily over identify, to the point of complete loss of identity, with the heroes of cliques and crowds." The word peer may also refer to nobility, relating to the peerage, the five degrees of British nobility --- dukes, marquis etc. How many examples have we seen of teenagers creating their own "nobility"? Styles in hair, music or dancing all must be in accord with what the peer leaders say is - in cool def da bomb, whatever the current fashionable term. These stylistic differences represent a way for the adolescent to stake out her/his identity as a --- young adult in transition --- an accepted member of --- the group.
The adolescent invariably feels "onstage".These differences might be makeup, dialogue, or costuming; or at their worst, symbols of antisocial or even criminal behavior where costuming becomes gang "colors". Whether you're an adult instructor, like me, or a teenager, as student's of Mr. Parker's Kenpo we've learned to tailor our attitude and constantly evaluate our environment.
If you are a parent, adult student, or instructor, create an attitude of acceptance and toleration regarding your "peers" who are adolescents. Remember it is this state of being "in-between and on-stage" that makes these young people so inclined to resist your wise guidance. Many of us know "adults" who never grow out of this resistive stage of emotional development.
If you are an ---adult in transition: keep in mind that your peer group is just one part of your environment. Other young adults can be a help or a hindrance to your development. If their environment is challenging and fun, that's great! But, if your peers pressure you in a direction you're not comfortable with, then your definition of peer might be
Persons
Exhibiting
Erroneous
Rituals
&
Styles

I welcome all comments.

Dennis Lawson
Salisbury MD


By: Lawson